Parenting a gifted child is like living in a theme park full of thrill rides. Sometimes you smile. Sometimes you gasp. Sometimes you scream. Sometimes you laugh. Sometimes you gaze in a wonder and astonishment. Sometimes you're frozen in your seat. Sometimes you're proud. And sometimes the ride is so nerve-racking, you can't do anything but cry.
Any and all of these reactions are normal, depending on your child and his development. Gifted children are an enormous challenge for parents. These children go through the same developmental stages that other children do, but not in the same way. One part of the child -the cognitive, or thinking, ability- is “older” that the other part parts of the personality. This situation is called “asynchronous development” because the child's intellect is out of “syn” with his less developed emotional, social (and sometimes physical) abilities. Asynchronous development can leave a gifted child, as well as parents or teachers, feeling stymied, frustated, baffled, puzzled, and confused.
Imagine, if you can, that you are five years old, but you can think like a fourth-grader. Where do you find your friends? The five year-olds are too inmature, and the ten-year-olds don't take you seriously. If they want you around at all, it's as sort of mascot, not as a peer. Physically, you can't do the things the fourth-graders can: you can't hit a ball very well; you have trouble riding a two-wheeler; you can't run as fast as they can. No matter how hard you try, you'll always be behind the physical and emotional curve set by your older classmates. It's like being a person who speaks only German and travels to Italy and France. You like being there, but because the language and culture are different, it's hard to be understood and to get what you need.
Gifted children are part of neither one of their so-called peer groups, and they are subject to teasing, put-downs, and ridicule from both children and adults. It's no wonder, then, that they sometimes feel “out-whack,” weird, inept, and angry. Their emotions, already exquisitely sensitivy, are exposed, raw, and tender, and their lack of emotional maturity can make their lives -and yours- a challenge at best and a nightmare at worst.
Gifted children have many wonderful, enjoyable qualities, but when those qualities are combined with emotional and social immaturity, the flip side of those same attributes can look less appealing.
Emotional Outlook
When asked how they're feeling, gifted children who are suppressing their emotions usually say they're “fine,” even when their outward behavior shows clearly that they aren't fine. If they choose to do so, they can disguise their emotions better than most other children.
Gifted children often push their feelings down because they're frightened to show others what's going on in their inner lives. Their feelings are often so intense that the children wonder if they're “normal.” They can feel as if they're holding the ocean in a bottle; they may be afraid that if they take out the stopper, they'll be overwhelmed by the waves -than once they begin to vent their emotions, they won't be able to stop. They fear losing control, and if there's one thing gifted children need, it's a sense of self-control and belonging. So they act as normal and ordinary as possible and tell their parents what they think the parents want to hear. Most of the time, they know precisely what adults want them to say.
Friendship can be problematic. A gifted child may, after long consideration, confide deeply in one friend; that's why the break-up of a friendship can be so devastating. If the friendship falls apart, the child has no outlet for all the emotion previously shared with the lost friend. The child may then grieve deeply or show anger that seems excessive to parents.
Helping Gifted Children Soar
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
Gifted children often push their feelings down because they're frightened to show others what's going on in their inner lives. Their feelings are often so intense that the children wonder if they're “normal.” They can feel as if they're holding the ocean in a bottle; they may be afraid that if they take out the stopper, they'll be overwhelmed by the waves -than once they begin to vent their emotions, they won't be able to stop. They fear losing control, and if there's one thing gifted children need, it's a sense of self-control and belonging. So they act as normal and ordinary as possible and tell their parents what they think the parents want to hear. Most of the time, they know precisely what adults want them to say.
Friendship can be problematic. A gifted child may, after long consideration, confide deeply in one friend; that's why the break-up of a friendship can be so devastating. If the friendship falls apart, the child has no outlet for all the emotion previously shared with the lost friend. The child may then grieve deeply or show anger that seems excessive to parents.
Helping Gifted Children Soar
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
Are Children Smarter Than They Used To Be?
Today's moms and dads have access to much more information about infant and child development that did parents a generation ago. Consequently, there are many children who are products of exceptional parenting. These children have been intellectually stimulated from birth. They've been talked to, read to, and played with. Fortunate children like these have been provided with books, games, puzzles, computer learning, music, and art materials. By the time they enter kindergarten, they can differentiate shapes and colors and understand concepts such as alike and opposite; they know their letters and numbers. They've visited the zoo, the science center, the movies, and the grocery store. They've eaten in restaurants, perhaps both fast food and “white tablecloth” establishments. They may have been taken to dance and musical performances. They may have taken to dance and musical performances. Perhaps they've attended both amateur and professional sports events. They might have been active participants in church suppers or neighborhood picnics and festivals. All of these activities give these children things to talk about and learn from.
Some of these little ones have attended preschool or day care programs that focus on both learning and self-esteem. Their preschool experience may have included children with various disabilities, so they readily accept those who use sign language or wheel chairs. May pre-schoolers have also been exposed to an extended family, whether these people are real kinfolk or their parents' friends. Exposure to other people and groups has enriched these children's lives and prepared them for school.
Their health has been guarded, too. They've seen the pediatrician or clinic health care provider regularly, and since most schools districts require immunization, the majority of students are up-to-date on their shots. They eat healthful foods, get lots of exercise, and have regular bedtimes. All of these help learning.
Although enrichment opportunities are more readily available to middle-class children, lack of money doesn't have to mean lack of opportunity. It may be difficult, but it is certainly possible for lower income families to find these same advantage, and many do. One minority principal with experience in both inner city and suburban schools says it this way: “Sometimes you have to ask for what you need. Let's be honest. Money makes things easier, but there are ways for parents go get what they need for their children
Helping Gifted Children Soar
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
Some of these little ones have attended preschool or day care programs that focus on both learning and self-esteem. Their preschool experience may have included children with various disabilities, so they readily accept those who use sign language or wheel chairs. May pre-schoolers have also been exposed to an extended family, whether these people are real kinfolk or their parents' friends. Exposure to other people and groups has enriched these children's lives and prepared them for school.
Their health has been guarded, too. They've seen the pediatrician or clinic health care provider regularly, and since most schools districts require immunization, the majority of students are up-to-date on their shots. They eat healthful foods, get lots of exercise, and have regular bedtimes. All of these help learning.
Although enrichment opportunities are more readily available to middle-class children, lack of money doesn't have to mean lack of opportunity. It may be difficult, but it is certainly possible for lower income families to find these same advantage, and many do. One minority principal with experience in both inner city and suburban schools says it this way: “Sometimes you have to ask for what you need. Let's be honest. Money makes things easier, but there are ways for parents go get what they need for their children
Helping Gifted Children Soar
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
Will Enrichment Make a Child Gifted?
Children whose life experience has been enriched in many of these ways come to school ready to learn, and they usually excel in the early grades. They are bright, eager, and often socially adept -the public's (and sometimes parents' and teacher') idea of gifted students. But if the adults watch these children for a period of time, they may notice that by the third of fourth grade, some of the children are “leveling out,” -that is, they're performing like most of their chronological peers. They're still very intelligent, but their intellectual ability is now being challenged by more complex material. Although they may have appeared gifted in kindergarten and first grade, it's now evident that they are simply smart children who have had an enriched early childhood and who will excel in the so-called regular classroom.
Gifted children have different situation. These children may also have had careful, loving parenting, although they may or may not received the exceptional opportunities available to families with more resources. But so long as gifted children receive reasonable opportunities to explore, think, and create, their intellectual gifts generally can thrive, sometimes even with relatively little stimulation. Their giftedness is part of the genetic endowment -the potential they brought along with them when they were born. Of course, this needs to be nurtured and encouraged by their parents and others, but it exists by itself.
Introducing children to a wide variety of learning opportunities actually helps identify those who are gifted. For example, suppose a group of young children goes to the museum to look at dinosaur bones. All of the children will be fascinate by the skeletons, but the gifted child may suddenly blurt out hat brontosauruses must have been leaf eaters because they had long necks, just like today's giraffes. The gifted child is able to see relationships and make connections that aren't immediately apparent to other children. Gifted children soak up information rapidly an are usually on a constant, intense quest to learn more -and that intensity might be one of the earliest indicators of giftedness.
Gifted children are often autonomous learners and much of what they learn will be self-taught. Still, they need parents and teachers to guide them, particularly because their intellectual development often outpaces their judgment.
Just as a smart child who is hard worker and a high achiever may be mistakenly identified as gifted, a truly gifted child may be labeled as a troublemaker, a nuisance, a classroom pest, or even suspected of having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The bright child may end up in the gifted class, the gifted child in the principal's office, and neither of them is in the right place.
Of course, not every sassy, aggressive, acting-out child is gifted; many gifted children are patient, polite, kind, and helpful. Parents and teachers must observe the child over time to know precisely what they're dealing with.
Smart children may indeed be more sophisticated thinkers that children of prior generations simply because they've had more experiences and been exposed to more information earlier in life. Nonetheless, smart children can be overwhelmed by the rigor and demands of a gifted curriculum. Gifted children, on the other hand, generally thrive in this type of creative and challenging environment. In fact, if they don't receive the stimulation they need for their intellectual and social growth, some gifted students will simply “camouflage” and hide their abilities or let their talents wither and die.
"Helping Gifted Children Soar"
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
Gifted children have different situation. These children may also have had careful, loving parenting, although they may or may not received the exceptional opportunities available to families with more resources. But so long as gifted children receive reasonable opportunities to explore, think, and create, their intellectual gifts generally can thrive, sometimes even with relatively little stimulation. Their giftedness is part of the genetic endowment -the potential they brought along with them when they were born. Of course, this needs to be nurtured and encouraged by their parents and others, but it exists by itself.
Introducing children to a wide variety of learning opportunities actually helps identify those who are gifted. For example, suppose a group of young children goes to the museum to look at dinosaur bones. All of the children will be fascinate by the skeletons, but the gifted child may suddenly blurt out hat brontosauruses must have been leaf eaters because they had long necks, just like today's giraffes. The gifted child is able to see relationships and make connections that aren't immediately apparent to other children. Gifted children soak up information rapidly an are usually on a constant, intense quest to learn more -and that intensity might be one of the earliest indicators of giftedness.
Gifted children are often autonomous learners and much of what they learn will be self-taught. Still, they need parents and teachers to guide them, particularly because their intellectual development often outpaces their judgment.
Just as a smart child who is hard worker and a high achiever may be mistakenly identified as gifted, a truly gifted child may be labeled as a troublemaker, a nuisance, a classroom pest, or even suspected of having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The bright child may end up in the gifted class, the gifted child in the principal's office, and neither of them is in the right place.
Of course, not every sassy, aggressive, acting-out child is gifted; many gifted children are patient, polite, kind, and helpful. Parents and teachers must observe the child over time to know precisely what they're dealing with.
Smart children may indeed be more sophisticated thinkers that children of prior generations simply because they've had more experiences and been exposed to more information earlier in life. Nonetheless, smart children can be overwhelmed by the rigor and demands of a gifted curriculum. Gifted children, on the other hand, generally thrive in this type of creative and challenging environment. In fact, if they don't receive the stimulation they need for their intellectual and social growth, some gifted students will simply “camouflage” and hide their abilities or let their talents wither and die.
"Helping Gifted Children Soar"
by Carol A. Strip, Ph.D with Gretchen Hirsch
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